. in the little things

important reminder

2009-03-15T16:12:00.013+10:30

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

Hebrews 11:6

Making One's Calling and Election Sure

³His divine power has given us everything we need for life and Godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by his own glory and goodness. ⁴Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

⁵For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith

goodness; and to goodness, knowledge;

⁶and to knowledge, self-control;

and to self-control, perseverance;

and to perseverance, Godliness;

⁷and to Godliness, brotherly kindness;

and to brotherly kindness, love.

⁸For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

2 Peter 1:3-8

c.s. lewis song

2009-02-06T18:36:00.008+10:30

C.S. Lewis Song lyrics

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

[CHORUS]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming

sick of me

2009-02-06T16:36:00.004+10:30

i am sick of me

i am sick about how's always about how i wished things were. why do i fight so hard for what i want or am i fighting hard enough? or fighting for the wrong reasons. i don't know... but i feel exhausted.

Lord! rid me of myself!

i don't want to do life without you yet i find it so hard to fully trust. why do i fight YOU? like a never ending journey. i don't want to keep missing the mark. i am so sick of me. i am sick of doing things my way. help me see the bigger picture of things, help me see YOU. More of YOU and less of me.. is that possible Lord? is it possible to know YOU in a deeper way, a more tangible way. show me YOU, show me how. show me where is home - give me Your sense of peace, assurance and security, not through my efforts because Lord, I GIVE UP! i'm tired. YOU are home for me Lord. the only constant i got. the ONLY ONE. i am pleading with YOU, replace me with YOU. Give me Your courage, Your strength, Your wisdom and understanding. SHOW ME YOUR HEART. give me one pure and holy passion, give me one magnificent obsession, give me one glorious ambition for my life, TO KNOW & FOLLOW HARD AFTER YOU!i've always thought to myself, how can i help others if i can't help myself, but help me realise that how can i help myself if i don't have YOU. open my eyes to see all that You're doing in me. help me stop questioning and start listening. speak louder for i am stubborn lazy and hard of hearing. take away any self pity. GET ME OUT OF THIS PIT FULL OF MYSELF! HELP ME LORD! break these chains that hold me down!!!! i believe in YOU Lord! i Love YOU Lord. YOU are the one i want. You're the only certain one. i'm sorry for making it all about me. i am truly sorry. i want to love you in a deeper way, give me Your agape love, show me Your agape love, a love that is unconditional. help me realise it's by Your grace that YOU love me. give me a greater understanding of Your Grace. open my heart to receive Your perfect love. let my confidence be in YOU! a greater passion for Your Word Lord. a greater passion for Your work. use me. the things i hold dear, if i have to let go, Lord, YOU help me. please help me. the good or the bad. make it easy, give me the strength and the courage to move on...once again. but to always keep focus, to always look to YOU and know Your plans are not to harm but to give me a HOPE & A FUTURE. YOU are my Hope & my Future. grant me a bigger heart and passion for others. enlarge my capacity of patience, understanding and of love. replace me with YOU. help me to accept myself but let me always be hidden behind Your CROSS! i am afraid Lord. i'm scared. i'm afraid to let go of the things i know. i'm afraid of the future. i try and try and try. i can't. i need YOU Lord! i'm sorry for doing it on my own. i'm sorry for making it about me. help me see that it's not about me. i'm sick of me and trying to find my place when it should really be all about YOU. i can't do this on my own Lord. i can't make the change on my own Lord. i need YOU. i need YOU to do the change. i need YOU to renew me. to mould me. change my heart, my perceptions my motivations, intentions and my wills. Jesus take all of me. please? i don't want to go through another phase of testing. i want to do this right once. i don't want to miss the mark. show me the target. reveal to me Your heart. I LOVE YOU LORD. let tomorrow be a new day for me? Help me make it a new day. rid me of myself, my old ways and habits. so help me God.

this is my desire.

this is me Lord, for YOU.

i wish

2008-10-03T06:33:00.002+09:30

i wish i had a more normal life....

step 1 : you grow up

step 2 : you study hard

step 3 : you get a job, you start your career

step 4 : you settle down

step 5 : start family

step 6 : work toward building that family

step 7 : blah blah blah...

right now i'm in the phase of wanting to get a job & being financially independent again. is that so much to ask? i think my parents are the only parents in the world that never encouraged me to work. especially when things are super tight financially, they don't like me working yet they're unable to provide. it leaves me feeling like i'm drowning! there are so much i wish i could do before leaving but i feel so held back. i hate how whether we like it or not, money rules our lives. i hate how we let money and material define us... ok, i won't get started on the money talk here..

back to my point... i wish.. i wish i didn't have to start from scratch, i wish i could get on with the regular route. i should be at steps 3 & 4 right now but NOOOOO... i've climbed back down to step 1. i now need to grow into a new environment & adapt into a new culture & lifestyle, step 2, study my new surroundings and and re-strategize before i get back up to steps 3 - GET A JOB the proceed to finally settling down and whatnots..

i wish i didn't have to go up and down so many times. people go through it once whereas i get stuck doing 1,2,3 over and over again. i'm going no where and it's tiring climbing up and down those rungs repeatedly. just when i think i'm going upward and progressing, and my hopes go up... i wish.. then as circumstance should have it, as though someone clinging on to my ankles, i've been tugged downwards, forced to let go of 1 or 2 rungs, try to regain and move on..then let go, move on.. or at other times i'm pushed upward too quickly i have to skip a step.. feeling inadequacy of growth, all of a sudden i have forgo studies and get a job because it was the most sensible thing to do, yaa daa yaa daa yaa daa...

gosh, why are my blog entries always so depressing and of senseless banter! i wish i had more motivation to blog on happier days! i have many by the way ;p which probably explains my lack of blog entires! ;) anyways up and down i go, wishing life were a little more normal...

a documentry of thoughts

2008-08-06T02:23:00.006+09:30

it's 2-something in the night.. .
i can't begin to tell you how bored and useless i feel at this point in time.
i hate this feeling.

i sit here. 2.37am. a couch for a home. i'm not sure what to feel anymore.
yes, i'm a confused child.

this i do know. i'm staying positive. despite the sadness of having to leave, weariness of change and fear of uncertainties, theres something inside of me. an excitement and that quiet reassurance from the Holy Spirit telling me it's going to be good, it's going to be good it's going to be good. believing in His promises. anticipation, eagerness, a yearning to see what He has in store for me.

i sit here. 2.39am. a couch for a home.

i'm wondering to myself how afraid i am of change. because what i really feel is a desperation for something new. i love adelaide, from the bottom of my heart i really do. but i feel theres something more, something bigger. suddenly i feel i need to get out of here. Lord, please show me. 2.45am something more, something bigger! this odd excitement mixed with sadness and fear..

i'm overwhelmed. i can i do absolutely nothing physically but this stirring within me...it feels like...it feels...i don't know.. this yearning, desperation, crying out, Lord show me, i want it now! an overwhelming love and thankfulness for my creator. it's now 2.54am

i'm still here.. a couch for a home. sitting, wondering.. documenting my thoughts on this blog entry.. what happens after i leave this blue couch i call home?

2.57am pondering. Lord, i know the plans you have for me, plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give me a hope and a future. i love you Lord! i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you....

reflecting on the past. only but a single flash in my mind to be reminded of the countless incidences of God's hand over my life. so grateful. i'm so grateful for everything, Lord! everything within me gasps in gratitude, an indignation over circumstances, and a stirring of faith, with a belief for the impossible! i serve a God of victory! a God who saves, who provides who cares and who loves me even at 3.19am in the night!

this is not a fancy post but this is what i've been up to, on a couch, for a home.
i want so may things for my life right now, i want to work in a place i love, i want to settle and not have to start from scratch in a foreign land, i don't want to have to be on my toes all the time. but this is my journey. a journey of faith learning to let Him lead, to trust, and for me, to be dependent on Him. i love to plan. i write lists of things i need to do and plan out strategies to reach my goals. but this journey issn't about me it's about what He wants for me. i picture Him crumple my plans like a piece of paper. 3.35am I had a word from the Lord from some random lady sitting behind me at bU conference last saturday. she wrote it down on a piece of paper "If you delight in me, i will give you the desires of your heart"....

okie.. it's 3.45am.. i was distracted by worship songs i've been listening to.. getting sleeeeepy too. and so ends my day on the couch, my home, my bed.

i love you Lord. love you all. goodnighty everyone...

IRIS

2008-06-25T01:51:00.006+09:30

an old song i really like came to mind...

Iris (acoustic) - The Goo Goo Dolls

Verse 1
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

Verse 2
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

Verse 3
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

Chorus
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Chorus
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

awwww..

2008-06-24T19:37:00.012+09:30

HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY!
emma kate macbeth turns 2! issn't she cute

my little niece in perth

Emma's Huge pink cake! YUM!
my other niece wearing the hairband
Natalie Jasmine:)

this is my baby nephew James William Macbeth, Emma's bro

James looking so adorable, i wanna BITE his CHEEKS!
YUMMMM!

Oh My Gosh! so cute lah! they have a mini fish Piñata!!!
Look at the tiny people wacking them!!

children rock! i wanna have 4 :)
it's fun to have sibilings, just like my blessed family

*BIGsqueeze for baby EMMA & JAMES!*
♥Love you Both,from your aunty fiona♥

Hansiong & Lijun

2008-06-23T19:18:00.007+09:30

my classmates from
Temasek School of Design
Dip. Interior Architecture & Design

you proposed
&
She said YES!!!

i'm really really
super duper happy
for the both of you!

fi's flea + free

2008-06-23T02:39:00.006+09:30

please support!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=20060916900&ref=nf

cheers!

my friend, dear adelaide

2008-06-23T01:26:00.014+09:30

sigh...

i started tired.
but you saw the potential in me.
looking back.
you made me so mad but you seemed to care,
always just seem to be there.

why do you have to make me feel so sad?
i'd be sad when i leave.
i'll miss you when i'm gone.

but i'll be back
i can make things happen if i wanted them to.
i can make things happen if i have reason to.
but is this what i will make me happy?
i love everything that is... for the now
holding on

the choices we make...
the facts we face
i wish i could change circumstances,
but dear God, please help me with my next very uncertain step.

i'm documenting this down on blog because i want to look back, i want to remember

♥always
. f i

i have a new header!

2008-06-19T17:03:00.006+09:30

decided that my blog looked a bit boring so I now have a new header!

Yippiee!! Nice nice??

"in the little things"

it's something i've always believed in.
it's not about making big statements in life
the attention, the drama the big whoo haa...

to me the little things matters
little gestures
tokens of thoughtfulness
words of encouragements
...or just being there in silence.

small in nature, little things add up.
it amounts to works of greater significance

7yrs in the field of design has taught me over and over, the emphasis that design is the process in which determines the finished. an end result without a process is without substance. And as it should, the details we care to look into, be it in art, in relationships, in living and every aspect thinkable, starts with the littlest of things :)

Whoever is faithful with very little is also faithful with a lot, and whoever is dishonest with very little is also dishonest with a lot.

Luke 16:10

be true

2008-06-19T01:35:00.009+09:30

SO BEAUTIFUL
by pete murray

Found myself just the other day
In the backyard of a friends place,
Thinkin' about you,
Thinkin' of the crowd you're in,
What you up too where you been?
(Just thinkin')

And all the clothes that you wear,
And the colors in your hair
Shouldn't change you
Now you tell me why it's so
You bigger than mighty Joe,
(At lest you think so)

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

Throw my smoke down on the ground,
Turn my head and I heard the sound,
(That reminded me)
Of the days so young and sweet
Always so much fun to meet
(At lest I thought so)

Now you think your so damn fine
You can rule the world no not mine,
I don't think so

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care

Now the scene that you're in,
And the people that you been with
Just get to me,
But you think I'm not as cool,
As you are so beautiful
Well who you fooling?

Well I'm here to tell you babe
The game your in is just a game
So damn pretentious

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

You think you're so beautiful
(So beautiful)

Hello Blog!

2008-06-12T01:05:00.001+09:30

i have abandoned you again!

such a bad blogger i am

*tsk tsk tsk*

for now

2008-05-28T02:49:00.008+09:30

what has this been?
close to a year since my last post...

if i have the time i'll go into how Amazing a year it has been before arriving back in adelaide.
Of God's amazing grace and blessings upon my family and my life.

being back in adelaide has been so so so much more than i could have ever imagined. and i know it's only by His grace and provision that i am where i am today... I serve an awesome King!

a year has passed and it's time to move on again. if i could admit to one thing, it'll be that following and understanding His will for our lives isn't always the easiest of paths...

in my previous post:
"all in all, i don't think i've ever felt so divided. this time of transition again for me. it used to be easier, but knowing i have a span of a yr divided between singapore and aussie makes it that tad bit harder parting with either..."

i hate goodbyes. lately it's been so heartbreaking knowing time is ticking and my yr here is ending. my family in adelaide has become so much a part of me,
every individual, every character in my life.

so for now... while i'm still here, i promise to spend as much time as i can with everyone that cares to share their time with me.
for now, want you guys to know you mean the world to me.
for now, i want you to know i care.

Love you all heaps

love always,
. f i O n a

urgh...

2007-06-30T04:50:00.000+09:30

i just wanted to say....

i Hate Multiply lah!!
now that i've linked blogger to multiply, it announces every action i make!!
i hate it!
so for those that found their multiply site floooded with my posts from bloggger,
i'm soooo sorry!! i felt to paiseh when i realised!
... a thousand apologies!

anyways, i just wanted to say...

to my dear friends in adelaide,
i've been soooo busy here to even be excited about returning to aussie. but when i do stop to think... i realise, i really really really MISS YOU GUYS!!!

to my new found friends from FGA singapore,
i know i don't talk heaps but you guys have changed my disposition toward singapore. i once thought, if i could get this 1 yr in singapore over and done with quick and go back to aussie or when the time came for me to leave for good, it would be easy peasy. i would have nothing holding me back. but now, i just wanted to say, thanks for holding me back!(in a good way!)

all in all, i don't think i've ever felt so divided. this time of transition again for me. it used to be easier, but knowing i have a span of a yr divided between singapore and aussie makes it that tad bit harder parting with either...

Love you all heaps

love,
. f i O n a

overwhelmed

2007-06-23T01:43:00.000+09:30

25 days left...

excited
happy?
sad?
eagerness, anticipation!!!
time, time...NO TIME!!

afraid :
scared\
disquieted, apprehensive, timid, timorous. Afraid, alarmed, frightened, terrified all indicate a state of fear. Afraid implies inner apprehensive disquiet: afraid of the dark.

—Antonyms 1. bold, confident, fearless.

so little, so much!
too short, TOO MUCH
time, time...NO TIME!!

i laugh
i cry
i smile
i cry again

despair, perplexed,
hopeful,elated, gleeful, blithe

letting go looking forward
letting go looking backward
forward backward

to hold on or to let go?
"move on!!"
learning, still learning
will i ever get used to this?

they say, "change is the only constant..."
blah blah blah...

tell me... are you just for NOW? for a season? or forever?
time, time...I NEED TIME!!

this is rubbish

i don't know
i really don't
will i ever

stop.

tweNty 2nd mArch 1983

2007-03-22T03:31:00.000+10:30

the minute the clock struck 12midnight it was like a loud GONG...
reality smacking you in the head... and you cringe...at another year.

more responsibilities, greater expectations, more that should or could have been accomplished. it didnt help that music from my mp3 brought back fragrances of nostalgia from yester-years. has it been that many years that have passed so quickly? like yesterday.

i'm scared. does anyone see my inadequacy?
24?
i feel the gawkiness of being 14, only, i'm loosing youth's lustre. the same gawky feeling of inadequate incompetence. am i ready?

.......
So to the ones that have our paths crossed once upon a time,
the ones that were there for a season in time,
the ones i've grown to like, grown to love,
the ones i've lost,
the ones that have hurt,
that have pained,
the ones that cared,
and the ones that couldn't be botherd.
the ones i've trusted,
the ones i've treasured...

i appreciate you.
for good, for bad, i'm glad you were there.
i love every bit of you for you.
(yes even tho you make me scream or make
my blood boil i'll still love you afters *smiles*)
you've made the past 23yrs what it was and is...thank you.

i'm tired.
goodnight dear world

*HUGS*
lotsa love,
fiona

"so, when is your turn fiona?"

2007-01-29T02:51:00.000+10:30

the first wedding i've ever attended was my uncle's. i was a mere 4yrs and was a cute little flower girl.. then i grew a bit older and at 9, was again made flower girl..

weddings of aunties and uncles soon turned into cousins, and before i can even bat an eyelash, my very own brother is getting married! it somehow feels a whole lot different when one of your own flesh is geting married and moving on...

i went for a gown fitting with my bro and his fiance to help pick out the wedding dress. it was a fun process helping her pick the gowns. but in the midst of the fitting my pastor's wife would ask, "so, when is your turn fiona?" ...it doesnt help that the bride to be is merely a couple of months older and already getting hitched..

just when i thought my brother's fiance had finished with her fitting, she suggested i try bridemaid gowns! i was like "shucks!" suddenly the attention was switched to me. somehow i felt like a little kid trying to dress up in mummy's clothes... it didnt feel right. that feeling of being too young to be in this position.

it's scary how time just flies and my big kor kor is getting married and starting his own family. ...when i stepped out of the fitting room, questions and remarks started coming again. by this time my pastor and some aunty from church was there too and he asked the same question as his wife. everyone was asking "do you feel INSPIRED?! it'll be your turn soon!"

and as for me, i'm cringing inside wondering "so, when is MY turn fiona?" why must all aunties ALWAYS ask these sort of questions?! i know age is catching up but i still feel like daddy's little girl...

faith or flesh? ...& the battle between

2007-01-22T00:37:00.000+10:30

sometimes living in faith can be quite challenging..
and seemingly futile when you've been spending the past couple of years praying as a family for God to come through for us.

it's been hard when faith level have often times been so low for us. Im glad for parents who've been so strong for us. they too have their share of discouragements and my faith wavers seeing them in their lows but ultimately we know we cant give up and there's no other way out but through Him. although, i am glad we're in this together as a family.. blood will always be thicker than water.

as of late, sometimes i dunno what i should be doing. if i were to face facts, i'd be quite burdened. but if i were to simply live life, deny circumstances and live like everyone, i might come out of this simply missing the mark, missing the whole point of what God is doing in our lives as a family and individually..

how does one keep up the faith when i have with me so much of doubt?

this is me in flesh:
...i've tried but somehow my heart is not here in singapore..unlike in aussie, i dont have the support of a church and the people around me. So if it's not going to be back to adelaide for school in july i have nothing else holding me to singapore. i would want to try getting a work visa for australia but i doubt i can. so, my alternative is to go to canada on my own first, clock in some time there and with PR it'll be easier to get a job..hopefully??? i really don't know..

this is me in faith:
"Lord! i have Nothing! Nothing else matters so if it's not going to be of You or from You i'd rather not have it. Your Will be done...I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

do you ever feel you need something to grasp? when living in faith is just the total opposite......
when the only thing you can cling on to are His Words? Thank God He is so much Bigger than what we can even grasp or imagine 'cause it's never going to be enough if i act or base decisions made by my flesh.so whilst i know what i want and how to plan plan plan, just as well that i've not been given that position. rather, i've been placed where my reliance is not on my own formulated "back-up plan", & stripped of the people who would hold mere pity-parties... but a reliance fully on Him!
*chuckles* tough one!

so if you're reading this, now would be a good time to say a little prayer for my family and i 'cause i think we need that just about now.

---------------------------
& As reminder to me...

Matt 6:31-34
31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
NIV

Prov 19:21
21 Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
NIV

sometimes things just happen

2007-01-19T02:43:00.000+10:30

on top of feeling stressed about how my current family situation this is what i had to deal with...

last night i found out one of my grand uncles passed away and was annoyed that my parents didnt tell me about it and went to the wake without me. then my brother came home and i noticed a huge bright red wound on near his elbow. everytime my brother falls it breaks my heart to watch him struggle to get up and always refuses to let us help him. most times i wish i could just piggy-back him rather than see him struggle. this time he said he fell on the road. i felt guilty for not being there to help him when i should have been. i dont know what road but i'm glad it wasnt a road with traffic and more importantly God has kept him safe.

this morning on my way to work whilst on the bus, i saw a dead cat on the road that got hit by traffic. i felt so sorry for the poor cat. then on my way back close to midnight i witnessed a motocycle accident. the sight of the guy lying on the ground with his shirt ripped at the shoulder scratched and bleeding, a huge pink flesh wound on his head the size of my fists and a small pool of blood on the road, traumatised me!

i wanted to run down from the upper deck of the bus and lay hands and pray for him man. it was all i felt could be of any help. but the guy was conscious and got up and walked out of the road. i wanted to cry then. i was already stressed to begin with. maybe i've had too much of death & blood for 2 days.

i cried walking home, cried out to God cuz sometimes in our own flesh we have no control of what happens around us. absolutely none. zilch. zero. and it's frustrating. it's so frustrating when everything around you seems to be taking place but you in your earthly being can physically do nothing but pray and keep focus on Him...

Catch me if you can

2007-01-08T04:28:00.001+10:30

check out this remake OF "CATCH ME IF YOU CAN" by my one and only cousin, JONATHAN FOO!!!
he's the one playing leonardo di caprio's conman role in the clip
how cool is this man! SO PROUD OF HIM!

not to mention he's cute too lah.

ladies, any takers? *winks*

Tom Yum Goong Tony Jaa Ong Bak Star Jon Foo Swordsman Scene

2007-01-08T04:18:00.001+10:30

More of my cousin!

He's the swordsman here in this clip. he's the coolest lah!
did i mention he's in jackie chan's stunt team too?!!
check him out at:

http://www.jonfoo.co.uk

The Office

2006-12-27T00:35:00.001+10:30

it's just been 3 weeks
the people i work with...

i have a really really nice boss and collegues!

these are some of the office Christmas party picts of my company, 2nd Edition Interior Architecture, with it's sister company, Parks+Associates Architects

kelvin, my boss-hilary, phyllis, me, pat,park

my company, 2nd Edition itself is pretty small. 4 of us, kelvin, hilary, phyllis and myself. Patricia's part time and Park, the BIG boss oversees Park+Associates & 2nd Edition
yes, they've been embarrassingly pairing me up with this guy since day one of work and obviously they just had to make us take this picture together

2nd Edition + Parks+Associates + FOOD!

more happy 2nd Edition pictures

people here are really a bunch of workaholics and alcoholics...
...imelda's lesbian side becomes evident when drunk!

me opening my gift exchange pressie

I love my new job! :)

2006-12-25T21:46:00.000+10:30

Difting
bebo norman - try

Sometimes when I'm all alone
I don't know if I can
Take another breath
Some say home is where the heart is
Tell me where my home is
'Cause i'm scared to death

Falling from the rooftop
Crashing like a raindrop
Can you make my heart stop
Shaking like a leaf
Standing at the floodgate
Steady as an earthquake
Can you hear my heart break
Tearing at the seams

I am drifting in the deep end
Holding on to Your hand
Is all that saves me now
Life can treat you like a beggar
You hold me together
But I don't know how
Some say home is where the heart is
And my heart is in Your hands
You are all I need

Rising from the ashes
Lifting from the madness
Now you see my heart is
Deep enough to dream
Heal me from the deathblow
Lead and I will follow
Now you feel my heart glow
Mending at the seams

on relationships - leave me alone please!!

2006-12-16T05:11:00.000+10:30

lately it seems that i've become rather popular with the guys.
i should be flattered but i'm NOT.

and it's almost annoying and even stressful. instead flattery, i worry about either trying to get rid of the guy without hurting his feelings or worrying that i'll loose friendship caused by gossip. do you see me flirting? do i even talk to these guys? no!! i can take jokes and teases but if it's constant and being teased with or persued by not one but several individuals & by different groups, it's not funny any more.

me being me, i dont talk much literally yet everyone keeps talking and teasing and expecting you to live up to their perceptions, asking if theres a chance, when it was merely gossip to begin with. how did i ever turn out seeming so "scandalous" when i've never hinted actions or spoken a word??? i'm almost sick of it. i'm afraid of ruining friendships cuz i cant even be a friend if every action is scrutinized, when i dont know the person well enuff to tread the ground. i just dont know how to deal. :(

for the guys that are bold enuff to even hint relationships, leave me alone!! life is complicated enuff without me having to worry about dealing with another.

it's stressful to think your peers are starting to get married, my brother's fiance is merely a yr older and getting married next yr, and even my ex, after being attached again for 7months aft breakup is engaged!so after all is being said and done and if i were to analyse my situation... taking into account my normadic lifestyle and the fact that it wouldnt be fair to either party should i move, it does seem daunting!! i'd be in singapore till mid '07, in aussie till mid'08 in canada till at least 2010 before i'm allowed that option to choose where i wanna settle. what would that make me? 29? gosh?!!

...BUT!!

plan as i may i'll leave it up to GOD's CHOICE & TIMING for me cuz i'm NOT in this alone. so if you think i'm gonna rush into one anytime soon, think again. i treasure & cherish friendships and i dont want to spoit what i'm comfortable with. dont spoil it for me please

disappear

2006-12-15T13:37:00.000+10:30

Disappear
bebo norman - try

On a day like this I want to crawl beneath a rock
A million miles from the world
The commotion that never seems to stop

And on a day like this I want to run from the routine
Run away from the daily grind
That can suck the life right out of me
I only know of one place I can run to…

CHORUS:
I want to hide in You
The Way, The Life, The Truth
So I can disappear
And love is all there is to see
Coming out of me
And You become clear
As I disappear

I don't want to care about earthly things
Be caught up in all the lies
That trick my eyes
They say it's all about me
I'm so tired of it being about me

CHORUS:
I would rather be cast away
Separated from the human race
If I don't bring You Glory
If I don't bring You Glory
If I don't bring You Glory

guess what came in the mail today...

2006-12-12T04:48:00.000+10:30

is this my identity?
is this my future?
must i?
really?

the weekend

2006-12-12T02:17:00.000+10:30

.italiannies @ the curve

even with my current financial situation, it wasn't hard for me to decide to make the trip up to kl. the pinch and the dull ache of having spend on bus tix for such a short trip was evident but it was definitely worth it! having to meet my beloved and much missed friends from adelaide even for just a couple of hours ...PRICELESS

the initial plan was to visit the week wingsun returned but having found out later that that zie and don would be back on the same flight was a "fringe benefit" as phrased by a certain someone. having to meet up with people like tsu ee, raymond, kam fwei, david gary, nicole, ernchee, ian , zie, don, wingsun and fellow half-singaporean, mark, was much more than i had anticipated (not to mention the nonstop teasing!!)!!

overall, this is one trip where i seemed to be pretty speechless but wished i had said more. i was happy but somehow guarded. i miss adelaide for it's people and it was hard when i had to defer and part with people i loved. yet somehow i was felt afraid to open up for fear of loosing again especially when uncertainties have become seemingly current realities.

so blue

ghostly figures lurking

ern cheeeeee & i!!!! (love you heeeps girl!)

hoping to make more trips up before everyone returns...
LOVE you guys HEAPS!! i really do :)

making the best of things

2006-11-28T17:42:00.000+10:30

well, as you can tell, i'm not that much of a blogger huh.

too much to say i dunno where to start so i'd just stick to pictures..

i thought since i'm gonna be here a while more i should just make the best of my time catching up with people.

eugene moses and linus

i was actually out with moses and linus when i met. . . . . .

THEM!

it was really great to bump into all of THEM after having not met some since i left for aussie
serene & i
so glad i met THEM! it, really made my day, made me SMILE

then there was eugene's birthday . . . . . .

half the pack...
cheryl & i
waaa, 17yrs of friendship!!

can you see me?

i HONESTLY never realised or felt so tiny until put into perspective!!
(look! i was even on tippy toe!!)

And So it Goes...

2006-11-08T17:51:00.000+10:30

i really wasn't keen on coming back for the july holidays
But i did...

who would expect that i'd end up deferring a semster?
i was dissappointed but then i thought to myself,
maybe this could be a good thing.

the semester is close to an end.
it was supposed to be just a semester.

who would have thought i'd end up deferring another semester?
i AM dissappointed but then i think to myself,
maybe this could be a good thing.
just maybe...

And So it Goes...
a month to six to twelve...

"Many are the plans in the heart of man, but it's the Lord's purpose that will prevail."
-Proverbs 19:21-

......

2006-11-07T03:40:00.000+10:30

Don’t ask me when I’m gonna graduate
Don’t ask me when I’m gonna go back to school.
Don’t ask when I’ll be moving to Canada
Don’t ask me how long I’ll be there
Don’t look at me as though I’ve got no goal in life
Don’t look at me as if I’ve got no plans, as though I don’t care
Don’t you think I’d want to graduate?
Don’t look at me as though I’ve given up
Don’t look at me as though I’m slacking
Don’t judge me based on the surface,
then expect me to live up to what you perceive.
You want me to quit my job
You want me to work at the office
You want me to work at your shop
You want me to get an interior job
You want me to help out at home
You want me to go back to school
What would you have me do?
All of you
Everyone seem to want something out of me, each contrary to another.
So what do I do? confusion, frustration
And if I keep living your lives when do I get to live mine?
When will I get to live?

I wish I had answers I really do
I know what I want and if I could have things my way I would.
I wish I had something to grasp
direction, goal, choices, assurance, certainty, something, anything?
But God has taken me through this path, this process...
And I can’t answer if I’ve got no answers myself.

I wish I had more faith
I wish were more resilient

i am Miss MinXy!

2006-10-31T03:33:00.000+10:30

just last week, i thought i'd go visit a friend of mine at his wakeboard shop. this visit brought back memories along with the urge to go Wakeboarding!!!

if you havent tried it, you SHOULD!!! amazing Adrenalin Rush!

i started wakeboarding about 5-6yrs ago but being a super duper expensive sport, i only usually ride a few times a year. i'm actually pretty crap at it but it's heaps of fun and not to mention a total body workout!! :)

*first wakeboard >>top left corner<<
*MINX bindings >>white boot in middle<<
*newer setup >>bottom right corner<<

i miss wakeboarding. being on a tight budget i havent been able to ride since being back in singapore *sobsSobs** missing the sport brought me back to a time where i was once known as Miss MinXy!!...my wakeboarding persona!

once upon a time i used to frequent Batam Cableski Park almost every weekend during my holidays back to singapore. during that time i bought this pair of wakeboard bindings-the latest model and i was one of first to own them in Singapore! the model name was none other then MINX. it was the preedi-est white Bindings initialled with "LF" in pink embriodery. and to personalise it i changed it's white laces to a broad dusty rose colored ribbon. and so this friend who co-runs the cableski park as well, started calling me Miss MinXy and before long, all the regulars there soon caught on...

*sigh* those were the days... i've since sold those sweet white bindings and traded them in for cool black ones called SPHYNX the guys' model of the MINX.

i miss being Miss MinXy
who wants to go wakeboarding with me??!!

how attractive are you?

2006-10-11T22:14:00.000+09:30

i finally got a week off from work to get my portfolio done once and for all. coincidently my parents were going on some S.E.A. prayer consultation at Batam so i decided to tag along and make use of their hotel facilities whilst they attend their meetings...so off i went.

the second day of the trip - after being in the room the whole day i decided to get some proper food at the cafe or restaurant. went downstairs but to my dismay the place was filled with muslim guys smoking and eating (ramadan season). so in search for food, i spotted a mamak stall across the street and decided i'd go take a look. i attemped to cross the road but was wondering why the cars and bikes were honking... then it hit me... Batam is like the geylang in singapore, notoriously known for its prostitution...

S.H.U.C.K.S!

i could feel the stares all around me. following my every movement. cars would go from 3rd lane to the first lane just to get a closer look at me, and one even wanted to stop his car. i had to walk away quickly lest be abducted. talk about making heads turn! i've walked the streets alone at night in many foreign countries but this is the first time i've ever felt so freaked!

right now...

2006-10-03T23:28:00.000+09:30

dont you just hate it when money somehow rules your life.

i really shouldnt be complaining here but sometimes it can be frustrating when things get tight.
if anyone should ask me "so, are you going back to adelaide next yr?" i'd give them the same reply my mom gave me when i asked her that very question. i'd tell you that my studies depend on the sale of my house...

i love my home. my family and the house we live in. close to 10yrs ago my dad being an architect, decides to rebuilt our tiny house where four kids had to cram into one room into a magnificant 10room bunglow. whilst i'm proud of what my dad built for us, in my younger days, i never invited friends over to my house. esp being in spore's society, i didnt want friends thinking i was rich or treating me different because of what they saw. even today, i still cringe on the inside everytime someone looks at my place and judges me based on what's on the surface. i cringe knowing it's far from it.

picture perfect - the perfect family, the perfect home

...it's a tough one hoping to sell this place by the end of the year since we've been trying to get it sold for the past couple of years. there has been so many countless times where the bank would be at our necks telling us if we dont pay by a certain date they'd terminate the mortgage and claim our property. so many times were we were at risk of loosing our home. there was a time where i had only $2 to last me the week. i didnt dare even asking my dad for more cuz he too had his same $10 note that sat in his pocket for a week. Along with banks to pay, parents had to put the four of us sibilings through university, in Singapore, UK, Australia and Canada. I'd say my parents are the BEST for wanting only the best for us. it hasnt been easy but God has always come through for us and as doubtful and uncertain things may seem i still know at the end of the day everything will be alright...

glimps of the interior - sis & i

living the life of uncertainty can really wear you down sometimes and i guess i'm going through another on those phases again. starting to question, where am i going? will i ever get there? where is "there"? i work a part time job but i'm torn between wanting to work and earn as much as i can or sacrifice a few day's pay to work on my portfolio and getting a relevant job in relation to my studies. i figure that if i skip my lunch hour i save on food and i earn that extra hour. if i put in a few extra hours a day, i'd be able to earn more. if i have no dinner plans i can sit at work till 9pm..what a pathetic life i lead.

in my mind i tell myself and even others that i'm going back to studies next year but at the same time i know i got to be willing to continue working if it issnt possible. a 50/50 chance i would say. i know there are people out there much worse off than me. i keep having to remind myself that. i wish i could fastforward to the part where everything will be alright but in the journey called process i know God has His way of dealing with us as a family and as individuals.

...plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give us a hope and a future